Why agents struggle with competition and self sabotage...

Why agents struggle with competition and self sabotage...

Let's be honest. Do you ever hear about another person's success and it seems to throw you for a loop? Do you ever wonder why it throws you off your game?

And even if you know why this is happening, you don't love it and you wonder HOW to stop letting this happen to you!

When you hear about a colleague who sold more houses this month than you, your automatic negative response is to compare your numbers to theirs, am I right? Be honest. 

Today I'm going to break down why we can get derailed so easily when we hear about someone else's achievements and HOW TO STOP THE CYCLE. 

Here's the scoop. This week I was talking to my 3 friends. All 3 of us have been focused and working on our health and weight loss goals. We are all on individual journeys with 3 different body types and 3 different ages.

Then a shocking thing happened yesterday. 

I found out one of my friends has lost 4 lbs this week.

That should be positive happy news, right? 

I'm going to show you what my brain did at that very moment I learned of her weight loss success and how it created the 'self sabotage cycle' for me. 

Most importantly though, I am going to teach you how to stop the self sabotage cycle, how to stop letting other peoples success determine how you feel, and how to stop letting others peoples experiences dictate your success (or non-success).

Are you ready?

If you haven't been in a coaching session with me yet, I'm going to give you a quick tutorial on Thought Model® which is a life coaching tool I use to discover how you get your current results and what you can change to get the results you really want.

Quick tutorial:
Circumstances are facts and can not be changed.

Thoughts are what our brain creates that give meaning to the circumstances and they create our experience in life.

Feelings are generated by our thoughts.

Actions are what we do or don't do based on how we feel.

Results are the product of this chain reaction started by our thoughts.


Now, let me plug into the Model what results I created for myself when my friend told me she lost 4 lbs.

Circumstance Friend lost 4 lbs.

Thought She lost weight and I didn't so that means I'm doing something wrong.

Feeling Discouragement

Action Inaction, lowered motivation to stick to my diet and workout, spinning in my negative thoughts

Results I am less likely to reach my weight loss goal


This example is about weight loss but it's a perfect example of how we generate discouragement and the self sabotage cycle in any area of our lives when we hear about another person's success and then we compare our experience to theirs.

I'm not discouraged because my friend is successful, I'm discouraged because of that sneaky automatic negative thought telling myself that I'm doing something wrong because she is finding success.

This thought error is creating the discouragement, leading me to inaction, with a negative result of becoming less likely to reach my own goals. 

What a terrible cycle to be in! Letting the successes and failures of others dictate our emotions and results is painful and slows our personal progress.

So, HOW do we fix this cycle?

#1 Become aware of your automatic thoughts and get curious about where they are coming from. Discover what triggered the automatic thought you're having.

#2 Practice intentional thinking.
Your brain is motivated to look for what's wrong in the world. This is an automatic response that was useful to protect humans when we were living in more primitive times. Our brain hasn't changed but the world has. So when your brain wants to run wild and offer you crazy unhelpful thoughts all you need to do is acknowledge the thought that is offered.

#3 Try on the thought.
Take the thought, try it on and see how it makes you feel. If the thought generates a negative feeling for you then you're most likely going to yield a negative result. 

#4 Change your thinking. 
You do this by asking yourself "What else could be true". Your brain gives you the first automatic thought. Your job is to become amazing at intentional thinking. 

Is this too much? Do you like this stuff?

I'd love to hear from you. Comment below and tell me, what is your greatest struggle in your business (or life) right now. 

If you need some help and you're ready to figure out the next right move for you or Sign up for Ask A Coach and show up Thursday to get coached for free!

Wishing you all the best this week.
 Coach Lisa Binggeli


Right now you can listen and learn from others' experiences on the latest podcast episode of Ask A Coach where I coached an agent on The world class system for follow-up with real estate leads.

Listen on Apple Podcasts HERE
Listen on Spotify HERE
Listen on Google HERE

What's next?

#1 Join Ask a Coach Thursday for FREE sign up here

#2  Are you a New Agent? Start and Grow your RE business in less time with Kickstart Business Growth

#3 Selling more than 12 units per year? Generate your own consistent leads and scale your business in the Academy Join before October 1st for lifetime access!

#4 Take your Brokerage or Team to the next level! Streamline agent training & increase productivity & retention with Impact Brokerage Coaching.